


Stuck On You

by zilia



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bad Science, Body Piercing, Crack, Humour, M/M, MCU Kink Bingo, Tony Stark's wacky inventions, get-together, magnets!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-24 01:33:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13800570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zilia/pseuds/zilia
Summary: An attraction that's too strong to resist.





	Stuck On You

**Author's Note:**

> Because when I thought about Bucky getting a dick piercing, this is where my mind went.
> 
> This piece of extreme silliness was beta'd by the amazing Claudia_flies, without whom it would be considerably worse.

“Don’t ask me anything.”

 

“I wasn’t going to.”

 

“Good.”

 

“But now that you mention it –”

 

“Steve. I said _don’t ask._ ”

 

“– why do you have your hand on your dick?”

 

“…”

 

“I mean, not that I mind you giving yourself a little self-love. It’s great. Real progress, self-care and all. Means all that therapy is helping. But –”

 

“Steve, I’m warning you.”

 

“– do you really have to do it in the kitchen? In front of my salad?”

 

“I regret ever teaching you about memes. And that one's out of date.”

 

“Don’t change the subject, Bucky. How did this happen?”

 

“I asked you not to ask questions.”

 

“All right, if you say so.”

 

 _"Thank you._ ”

 

“But if it was up to me to give an answer to this –”

 

“ _Which it isn’t_.”

 

“– _which it isn’t_ , sure, right, of course, but if it _were_ up to me, I’d hazard a guess that you’ve been up near the labs again."

 

“...”

 

“Where Stark has been working on his experimental magnetisation ray.”

 

“…”

 

“And your arm has become magnetised. Maybe. Possibly.”

 

“…”

 

“And now it’s stuck to that really out-of-character dick piercing you decided to get last weekend.”

 

“What do you mean, ‘out of character’? I’m _absolutely_ the kind of guy that gets a dick piercing.”

 

“With all of our repressed Depression-era sexuality? Please.”

 

“Now who’s been spending too much time with Stark?”

 

“At least when I do it I don’t end up with my hand stuck to my dick.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, wise guy. Anyway, how did you know I’d got it done?”

 

“Most people don’t wander around the house naked after a shower, Bucky.”

 

" _Most_ people don’t look at their roommate’s dicks, _Steve_.”

 

“Well, it’s kind of hard to miss. Even without the accessory.”

 

“I’m taking that as a compliment.”

 

“Don’t get too excited about it, it could be painful.”

 

“ _Steve_.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“How are we going to fix this?”

 

“It’s _we_ , now, is it?”

 

“Be serious for a second.”

 

“Don’t you mean ‘get a grip’? Oh, looks like you’ve already got…”

 

“Could you just stop wisecracking for a second and give me a hand?”

 

“You're making this too easy for me, Buck.”

 

“ _STEVE._ ”

 

“Fine, sorry. I’m being serious now.”

 

“If you can help me prise my hand away, maybe we can wait it out until the magnetism wears off. I’m not strong enough to do it on my own.”

 

“What if that rips your dick?”

 

“Shit. Do you think that’s possible?”

 

“I don’t know! But I don’t really want to take that risk!”

 

“Me neither, _obviously._ So what the fuck do we do?”

 

“You realise you’re going to have to talk to Stark about this, yes?”

 

“Over my dead body, Rogers.”

 

“Over your bisected dick, you mean, unless you got a better idea.”

 

“If I had a better idea, do you think I’d be in this position?”

 

“ _I’d_ like to be in that…”

 

" _DON’T EVEN SAY IT._ ”

 

“OK, OK. Does he know about your, um, situation?”

 

“No. I think it might have some kind of delayed-action magnetism going on. I was fine when I left, it’s just when I got home and wanted to make myself a sandwich.”

 

“And you accidentally caught your dick instead?”

 

“I wasn’t going anywhere near my dick! It just happened when I was lifting my arm.”

 

“Only slightly more credible than ‘I slipped and fell,’ as far as excuses go, Buck. Guess we should just be glad you didn’t go to the bathroom first. At least your pants are preserving your modesty.”

 

“Not for long if I’m stuck like this. Someone’ll notice eventually, it ain’t exactly subtle.”

 

“Hold on a second. Why don’t you just take the piercing out?”

 

“No! I’m supposed to leave it for six weeks to let it heal!”

 

“Do you really want to have your hand stuck to your dick for six weeks?”

 

“Of course not, dumbass.”

 

“Then I guess we’ve gotta go see Stark and ask him to fix it.”

 

“No way!”

 

“So let me help you take it out, for God’s sake.”

 

“Ste-eve. It cost me $300 to get this done!”

 

“You spent _three hundred dollars_ on that thing _?_ ”

 

“Calm down, Grandpa, we can afford it. Well, you can.”

 

“You spent _my_ three hundred dollars on that? Right. That’s it. Where’s my phone? I need to call Stark.”

 

“Ugh. _FINE._ I guess I can get it redone.”

 

“Damn right you can. And this time, you’re paying. Now, want to get your dick out?”

 

“Well, since you asked so politely...”

 

“Thank you. Need a hand with your pants?”

 

“No, think I can manage...thank fuck I wore sweats today. There. Rips easily.”

 

“OK. Um. What do I need to do now?”

 

“It, uh, it unscrews, if you just hold on to the bottom...yeah, like that. Be gentle, OK?”

 

“Careful as I can… Just a sec. There, done.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“You all right?”

 

“Yeah. Just gotta pull it out. Ah…there. Crisis averted. Christ, that hurts.”

 

“Probably a lot less than the alternative.”

 

“True.”

 

“Give it a minute, it’ll heal up, if your serum’s anything like mine.”

 

“Oh hey, look at that! Neat.”

 

“You know, of all the times I thought about getting my hands on your dick, this scenario wasn’t even in my top one hundred.”

 

“Mine neither… Wait, what, you’ve thought about it?”

 

“You have too?”

 

“Well, uh, yeah.”

 

“This wasn’t exactly how I thought I’d tell you, though.”

 

“But you did."

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Steve?”

 

" _Bucky_.”

 

“So can I kiss you…?”

 

“Uh, mmmm.”

 

“Mmm- _hmmm_.”

 

“Mmmm…hey, I’ve still got hold of your…”

 

“Yeah, I can see that. You wanna?”

 

“Yes, yeah, _please_ … Let me….”

 

“Feels so good, Steve. Wanted you so much…”

 

“Me too, sweetheart, me too.”

 

“Oh, yeah, like that, like that. Just like that. Yeah. _Baby_. Stevie.”

 

“Wanna go do that lying down?”

 

“Hell yeah, and more… Hey, where’re you going?”

 

“Hang on…shit, that’s my phone.”

 

“So let it ring, we’re busy…”

 

“Can’t, not when it’s Stark. It could be work. Hey, Tony, what’s up? What? Seriously? The ceiling? No way, get someone else to handle it. Because _I’m busy._ No, it’s none of your business. Goodbye, Tony. Goodbye.”

 

“What the hell was that?”

 

“You’re not the only one who got accidentally magnetised.”

 

“Shit. The suit?”

 

“Yeah. You’re lucky yours was just your arm. Anyway, you and I have some unfinished business, don’t we?”

 

“Sure have, pal. Your room or mine?”

 

“Yours. It’s closer. Come on, Buck. Bet I can show you you don't need metal in your dick to have a good time."


End file.
